Sunday, May 20, 2012

the process

I don't know why I'm so damn worried, I don't know why I'm so stressed out about this one exam. Like it shouldn't even matter this much. Yet doing well is not just for the marks, its for me. What happens tomorrow bothers me so much. It really shouldn't. I can't help it if I'm not as good as everyone else, I can only do the best that I can do. But even if I play my very best, even if I give it everything I've got, there's always this nagging thought that all these other people sitting in the audience are sitting there, silently judging me and the way I play, because I just don't have the same skills and techniques as they do and I just don't sound as good. And truly there's nothing I can do about that, but its never bothered me before. s:

I've lost the motivation to study. I don't know why I'm doing these exams. (besides that it's compulsory and I have to do well for my report.) It feels as though its a short term thing, there's no goal that is being worked towards. Why?

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