For some it comes as an achievement in academics, sport or music; for some it's an award; for some it's being recognised; and for most (I think) - it's comes from feeling good about what you're doing.
It's important to know, because it helps you understand what drives you and how to stay on track. It changes how you approach a task, and your mentality in any situation or when overcoming adversity. It changes as we grow up, experience more of the world and listen to those around us.
In the end, it's the way we react and deal with situations that brings out your true self for you and others to see. It's also these moments that challenge us to become better individuals, because (for me at least), nothing has ever improved without effort and a little bit of what you might call 'good stress'. Or basically a strong desire to do better, improve or be a better person.
I know that I am a 'people' person, and though right now I really want to be alone and study/do my own thing, I really do miss seeing everyone. Because it's that constant cycle/pattern of going to school and following a timetable that keeps me going. Routine keeps me going. I need to branch out once in a while and do other things, but I don't know a life that's not busy and choc-a-bloc full of things to do. Things that make doing school work feel a little bearable.
I started writing this post a few weeks ago, probably near the beginning of hsc or before it. It is now close to the end (last week) and I am barely keeping it together. I just don't want to study anymore. And I'm trying to care. It's been 2 days and all I've done is a maths paper and a chem paper (bar a 7 marker). I've read about 3 fanfictions, watched some TVD, my favourite youtubers and I went swimming on Friday, but I don't know it that really counts as something productive.
Yeah I know, nearly over. But I just don't know what this is all going towards, yknow? I know I should be studying right now, because school is important and getting high grades gives you greater choice with what you want to do, but one of the problems may be that I feel like I've just been given everything. I've been so lucky in my life to receive all these opportunities, and don't get me wrong, I'm grateful and I appreciate them. But I don't feel like I'm putting it to good use, and I feel like I haven't seen much of this world. There's so much more than this little bubble we live in - and though it's given me really wonderful memories and experiences, and opportunities to connect with like minded people who I can proudly call my friends - but I feel like I don't know very much. I don't know what it's like to have to work hard for something that I really want (and maybe be rejected). I don't know what it's like to be stuck with a few choices that really all just suck. I don't feel like I know what the real world's like - and here I am sitting in my room doing nothing about it. Because, in the grand scheme of things, I'm going to be one of those lucky few who get into a good university with a decent course. Maybe good job outcomes if I play my cards right.
I keep getting drawn to the entertainment world - and I can't work out if I just find parts of it interesting, or if I really want to go down that path.
Will I be one of those ruse alumni that, in 5-10 years time, finds themselves stuck behind a desk, not enjoying their job and waiting for any opportunity to get out?
I don't think so, because usually I make choices that I stick to. I just hope I make the right ones.
Maybe one day, I'll be able to come back here and say "Follow your dreams, even if it's the hardest path to take. Because it's the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself".
Maybe I will.
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