I get this feeling that my life is controlling me and that I have little control over it anymore. Every minute of my life feels planned out, everything is planned out for me. Like I don't really get a say. I get a choice, but its not much of one. Like how I'm at the top school in the state and I have no idea how I got here or what I'm doing here. Like how so many people come out ruse doing med and law and becoming doctors or something else thats 'typical'. There's some stereotype of ruse kids that we're all nerds. I think its true, but we're not typical nerds. Which doesn't even make sense. But I really don't want to be a typical ruse student. I want to be different. I want to do something crazy. Change things around, control my life. Yet I'm still stuck here, thinking about it. I don't know what I want. But its because I'm scared. Scared of what might happen if i agree to whats really inside my head.
And people tell you to follow your dreams, not to be scared. Its not that easy.
I must be the biggest coward ever. Being scared of so much. But this year, this will change. I sincerely hope so.
No comments:
Post a Comment