cycles of life

Déjà vu.

It's happening again.
Is this really going to happen every single time? Does this only happen because I think it happens? Does it only happen in my head?
Of course it's only happening in my head. Right?
Possibly.

Why is it so yes/no, happy/angry, certain/uncertain, good/bad?

It's not what I thought it would be. Or could be.

I don't want a repeat of it. It's sad to think that I really can't accept that it's going to be different to what I expect.
Which sucks, really.

It got me thinking. I really want to go back to primary school. It was so simple. What was it like to be prefect? What would I have been like if I'd ever gotten prefect? Would I be different now? I actually might've stood a chance if I didn't change schools. Wow it sounds like nothing when we say it now, but it was such a big deal back then to be a leader of the school. We were the eldest, and the role models. It was important. And suddenly high school. We're the babies again. New people to look up to, new concepts to understand. The concept of school is a bit different now, and as we get used to it, after a few more years it's off to uni. Same thing. Then after that, to the workplace, where you're the newbie and you look up to others. Doesn't this make you think that life's just repetitive some cycle?
My point is, nearly everything we do now will become irrelevant in the next stage in our lives, and everything relevant now will become irrelevant. Just like how everything you did and achieved in primary school is now irrelevant, everything in high school that you've accomplished will (sadly) eventually become irrelevant. With some exceptions of course. However you'll always remember them, just no one else will or care too much about it.

So why is all this running through my head now taking up my time and energy ever going to matter? Why does this feeling of déjà vu matter? Because honestly, thinking about why its happening again is not worth my time. And I should just give up and just go with whatever happens. Because, really, nothing may be happening anyway.